| Comprehensive Border Security |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|11:06 pm] |
The governor called me today. He needed my help. He said something about a lack of comprehensive... I dont know what he said after that. I tune out when politicians complain a lack of comprehensive anything. It usually comes back to the euphamism of the year, comprehensive border security. Its easy to see why both parties want open borders. Poor people = votes for democrats. Illegal cheap labor is good for big business. Everyone wins, except for the US citizens who arent politicians or bug business owners. But I digress...
The funniest part is what politicians really mean when they say comprehensive border security. Do they mean "We need to deal with the fact that Mexico is so corrupt, a poor man has no chance for advancement without fleeing the country"?
No.
To people like George Bush, comprehensive border security means legalizing what is illegal, and watching people cross the border. Yes, watching people cross the border is now called comprehensive border security.
When can we work on Comprehensive Tax Payment? |
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| Church |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|11:10 pm] |
I used to go to church a lot. I was a member of staff, and I got to see the inner workings, and behind-the-scenes pagentry that goes into a church service. I'm quickly approaching 10 years since leaving First Baptist Church of Modesto, and things are clearer to me now then ever. I played with my family this weekend at a park in Modesto. Across the street from where I was swinging my daughter, was a house I spent a lot of time in years ago. It was the house of an ex-girlfriend's grandmother. They were very religious. My father joked about calling them over to hang out with us, and I wondered what I would say to them if I had the chance.
Of course they would ask if I went to church. What would I have replied? "Not really?" That would let them know, and out of respect they might let it drop there. Or they might not.
It's funny. I realize now that I'm having an imaginary conversation with people I haven't talked to in 10 years. I think it is because to me, that family represents the quintessential uptight, self-righteous religious family. The girl I dated told me that she would never go to the movie theater because someone might see her leaving the theater and wonder if she had seen an R-rated movie.
And now I find myself wondering what I would say to these people if given the chance. Not because I care what they think. Not because I'm interested in them as people. Not even to see if they are still self-righteous neaderthals. I want to tell them because I'm pissed off at the lies and politics and bullshit that I went through as a religious person, and to me, telling them is the closest thing to telling god. They have come to embody everything I think is good and bad about christianity.
And while I stood by the slide a few days ago, I realized what I would say to god if he came over and stood next to me. I was told that every person has a god-shaped-hole in their heart. A person who doesn't have God in their heart is aching for fullfillment. I would tell god that I haven't felt him in my heart in almost a decade, and I feel fine. The only thing I miss is the subtle feeling that I'm better then other people. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|09:24 pm] |
I talked to an Andy, an old roomate, years ago about god. I said that after years of knowing what was right and wrong based on a belief in god, it was hard to decide right from wrong once I stopped believing. He said something like, "I was never motivated by fear of god or going to hell". I have thought about that occasionally throughout the years. It didn't really help me at that time, nor has it helped me since. But in thinking about it today I realized why he said it, and why it completly missed the point for me.
The statement I was never motivated by fear of god or going to hell speaks to an entirely different issue, more like:
I used to do what I knew was right because I believed that god would punish me if I did what was wrong. But now I can do what I know is wrong without fear of god's punishment.
This wasn't the case at all though. He didn't understand the depth of what I had lost. Andy believed in god, and I'm sure he still does. I wasn't defiantly procaliming that I could piss god off by doing what it doesnt want me to do. I was saying that god was reduced to a fairy tale.
Once upon a time there was...
... everything in the bible...
... everything i had been taught to believe about morality and the world...
...and they all lived happily ever after
Where do you go from there? I didn't live life afraid of gods wrath. But i did live life motivated by a belief in a higher power, with infinite wisdom and a sense of justice. When I stopped believing, everything I used to do that was even remotely motivated by my belief in god had to be revisited.
I used to go to church to worship god. Ok, so I don't go to church anymore.
But what about the other more subtle areas of my life.
I used to be nice to strangers because god loved everyone and I chose to be an example of that love. Do I even care about strangers now? Should I go out of my way to be nice? Why?
I guess I was lucky in many ways. I got to spend 5 years brainwashing myself, and then in my early twenties i got to wipe the slate clean and start over. I suspect not too many people get to throw out their conscious belief system as an adult and build a new one. This isn't to say that I became a completely different person. But I did become more of an asshole and less of a doormat. I don't have as many superficial friends. And I don't care to. People are lame. |
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| Muslims |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|11:44 pm] |
These are the headlines I like to read... Muslims Attack U.S. Embassy In Indonesia Over Cartoons. I don't even know what to say. Apparently if I say what I think, the muslims will want to kill me. So praise be to allah. I see absolutly nothing wrong with burning buldings and killing people because someone else drew a cartoon about something. That sounds great, and I cant wait until the muslims doing this get a nuclear bomb.
It's one thing for me to die because somone hates Americans for invading Iraq or something. But I cant wait to die because somone from some other country drew a fucking cartoon.
And why isn't CNN screaming for the protection of the muslim protesters who are dying? How many dozens of them died today around the world? I thought CNN loved talking about casualties. Will CNN do a special report when the muslim protestor casualties hits the 2000 mark? I guess it's only when the dead people make Bush look bad. Now we are getting a real glimpse of what motivates these muslim fundamentalists, and the news stories on CNN.com are something about the lottery, the Oscars, and Bush having a bad image.
But we all know that getting a republican president out of office is a much more important goal for CNN then sharing the news. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pantera - 13 Steps To Nowhere | ] |
I used to go through notebooks like crazy. I used to write all the time. I don't do that anymore. At some point years ago I realized that, for the most part, people don't really care what I have to say. I also became really busy with school. Not to mention music.
Now I have neither school nor playing in a band to keep me busy. I do however still know that, for the most part, nobody cares what I have to say. But at least now I can say things that sound more intelligent. At least my grammer is more better. Hopefully I find the right compromise between having impeccible spelling and grammer, and actually being able to post a journal entry without hours of speel checking and improvements.
I listen to the John And Ken Show on the radio. The heart of the show is the fact that John says the things that most people only think. He doesn't say things for shock value. He just asks questions and airs his thoughts without worrying what people might think. For example, he is a second or third generation immigrant from Polland. When someone demanded he be a little more sympathetic to black issues because of slavery, he came unglued. Most white male Americans would have gotten very quiet at such a challenge. But John yelled her down, comparing slavery to the Nazi invasion of Polland that his anscestors felt. He made it clear that he wasn't going to be shamed into silence. He is completly lacking in tact, at least on the air. And that is why I listen. Tact gets in the way of a free exchange of ideas. And the only people who call him a racist, homophobe, or any other derogatory phrase are the people who can't debate him based on ideas.
Maybe thats why I want to start writing again. I want to a world where I am free to question and observe without worrying that I'm going to piss someone off. I also dont want to be restrained by the laws of professional writing. I'll try to maintain enough professionalism to not look retarded, and thats it. |
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